Hi guys. Sometimes – actually, every time -  it’s hard to write a blog post after a long break. So much has happened between posts that I don’t know where to start, or what to share. But then after a while of sitting here looking at the blank box, I realise the best place to start is in this moment.

In this moment, I am sitting in my little home office/studio/dumping ground, at the desk, writing this blog post. Laly is having her midday nap (what a wonderful difference it is to be down to one long day nap!), and Romain and I are working on getting the last remaining shipping invoices to the book buyers from the campaign, and then I hope to be able to start getting some of the packages together throughout the rest of this week, so that we can start sending them off around the world next week.

As I’ve been collecting the shipping and adding the details in the spreadsheet, I’ve been receiving lovely little notes within the invoice payments, with inspiring and encouraging comments. It warms my heart so much, and encourages me to keep going.  I’m very thankful for the support, I would not be able to keep creating if it wasn’t for those of you who voice your cheer.

Laly is growing so much. Among so many skills she is mastering, she has just started to walk, and I’ve noticed how much she is uplifted by positive remarks and reassurance. Her face lights up when we say “Bravo!”, and “Well done!”, and if she stumbles through trying her new skill, it will be one of those remarks that encourages her to try again.

Last night after Laly went to bed, I reflected on the words that she is hearing the most throughout every day. Other than “Maman” and “Papa”, I realised the words we are repeating the most every day are “cuddle”, “câlins” (french for cuddle), “snuggle”, “beautiful”, “love”, “bonjour”, “bravo”, “kisses”, “bisous” (french for kisses) and of course “Laly”. It got me thinking about how lovely that is, how much that must make a difference to someone’s life.

I had intentions to write a post about Laly’s first birthday, but as you may have gathered from Romain’s previous post, things happened. My health took a turn for the worse, and I’ve spent the last month building it back up. I’m not quite recovered, I understand now that getting Little Treasures to the insane deadline that we had created for it was detrimental, and not just for me but for my new little family. If I am not well I cannot look after my baby and that is incredibly scary. And I’ve understood that in the future, if I want to continue doing projects, that they will have to be spread out and take much, much longer, with as many helping hands as possible. It’s just not possible for me to do what I do and be a Mum at the same time.

I got very down for a while wondering why other new mums could work on their projects, write regular, extensive blog posts complete with photographs (knowing how long it takes me to compile such posts), earn money, and cook a meal. Seriously? I mean, seriously? I just don’t get how. Friends assured me that these mums have help from their parents, in laws and siblings, and that on top of that they must have nannies, cleaners, and possibly butlers. They reassured me that the difficult circumstances I have going on in my life at the moment are taking their toll on my health. But I just kept seeing that it was all a reflection of me being incapable. I’ve been taught to cope with whatever comes my way, no matter what.

So not only has my little Laly been doing a lot of growing these past days, so have I. I don’t think I’ll ever write about all that has been going on lately here on the blog, I know there is still much for me to go through in the coming months and years and you know when you’re in the thick of something, it’s hard to stand back and take an observing eye to share it with the world. I notice that when I try to explain to people what has been happening, it is just a bunch of words, words that sound hollow for something so deep. But I sense that one day I may feel ready to write about it.

In this moment,  I thank you for being here, and for your understanding and for your love.

À bientôt, mes amis.

xx

PS I took these photos on Saturday, at Laly’s first easter egg hunt, a very special day created by my talented friend Tracey.

portrait photograph by my awesome assistant, Julia Gordon

On Monday I was on a shoot for Country Style magazine, creating tabletop shots with my assistant Julia, and photographer Craig Wall for my upcoming magazine columns. It was a full day shoot – the first full day, 10 hour long shoot I have been on since being pregnant with Laly. It was the first time I’d been away from her for more than 5 hours. In the morning, in the hours before I left, my heart began to hurt. While driving to the studio in Alexandria with a car chock-a-block full of props, I told myself to ‘just get over it’. But the ache remained for the day although I did have fun playing with props and making things with Julia.

We finished shooting at 6pm, I think I’ve never packed my car so quickly. I gave Julia the fastest thanks-for-everything hug and backed out of the loading dock as fast as legally possible. I got home just in time to be able to give Laly her last feed of the day. We sat quietly in her room, curtains drawn, and just gazed into each others eyes as she fed.

It’s been a rough week since then. I know she’s picking up on my stress to meet story deadlines and book deadlines. I strive to find the balance.

xx

PS Thank you so much for your ongoing support with raising funds to help self-publish Little Treasures: Made by Hand. We’ve had some technical issues with pozible while they upgraded their website, and we are so thankful for your patience in pledging and signing in.  If you have any queries AT ALL, do not hesitate to contact me by email (click here), and either myself or Fran will get back to you pronto.

PPS It’s my 35th birthday tomorrow. I have nothing planned, should I? Ideas?

Happy new year mes amis. It’s a scorcher here in Sydney today, I’m sitting in our office/studio/storage space in the house which has a skylight – normally I love the skylight, today, not so much: The room feels like a sauna. Apparently it is 43 degrees out there. Laly is having an afternoon nap (yay!), so I thought I’d take this opportunity to write a little post to say hello! and welcome in the new year. I hope you’re all well and enjoyed the festive season. Did you get a chance to make a wreath? Mine is looking rather brown in this hot weather.

I have lots to share with you in the coming weeks. I have an incredible project which I have been keeping secret for a long time as I wasn’t sure if I could finish it. With the help of some wonderful people, I’ve actually managed to complete it over the past 6 months and I cannot wait to reveal it in one week’s time. Oh, I’m so excited. I’m so excited!

{This photo was taken on New Years Day. We hung out with my cousin’s family and Laly got lots of kisses and cuddles from her cousins Issabella – pictured, and Sahraa.}

Once upon a time, but not so long ago, Monday was my ‘washing day’. I’d do a week’s worth of washing in one day, about three loads (whites, colours, dark) – maybe with an extra load for woolens every now and then.

These days, every day is washing day, with more loads than I can count. Sometimes I might skip a day if I’m out and about. That’s never a good thing for the days that follow.

Having baby clothes amongst the laundry is delightful though, there is no denying it.

xx

So last weekend was my first Mother’s Day as a mother. Romain had planned to head to curl curl beach for a picnic as it was the very beach he and I sat on the day before Laly was born, both of us waiting (im)patiently for her late arrival. We thought it would be a nice idea to take her back to the place where perhaps, the crashing waves woke her from her cozy womb slumber and brought her into the world. However, it happened to be a very windy autumn day and although we persisted and spread out our blanket on the cold sand, Laly wasn’t impressed. It seems she is not a fan of windy cold beach weather (who knew!). We lasted about 20 minutes, scoffing down our cafe quiches and heading back to the warmth of the car. We ditched the idea of finding another spot for our picnic and decided to go and surprise my Mum for Mother’s Day instead. Mum was rapt.

Laly is already 3 months old. Time seems to have flown by, although I remember feeling quite the opposite in those first 6 weeks. Everyone kept saying it would get easier and I honestly thought they were all lying, but now I know they were not. I feel like a pro now, understanding the different communicative cries of my baby girl and instinctively responding. It’s a good feeling.

Experiencing my first Mother’s Day as a mother made it all the more real.

So, after visiting my mum and dad, we drove back home, continued with the evening ritual of bath, feed, and bed, then even though we were both exhausted, Romain and I had a romantic dinner at the dining table. It had been months since the table had been cleared for dining. Romain cooked one of my favourite French meals – tartiflette – and we shared a mini bottle of Moët & Chandon which a lovely friend had given me a couple months ago in celebration of Laly’s arrival. It was my first glass of champagne in a year and it. was. divine.

We toasted to our new lives together as parents, and reminisced about the fun times we’d shared with friends in Amsterdam on our houseboat, at this very table.

xx

PS composing blog posts is really hard with a busy bubba. I am amazed at how other bloggers appear to have seamlessly transitioned from blogger to mother-blogger. How?  If I manage to put on a load of washing, feed  & dress myself, and get out the door for a walk that is quite the accomplishment – anything outside of all that is a miracle.