I took this photo the other day on my phone. It was dusk, I had just woken from a late afternoon nap, and this was what I saw as I opened my eyes.  I lay there and watched the scene as the sun set behind the curtain, it was one of the most beautiful impromptu nature performances I’d seen in quite some time.

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There is something else I want to share. Something rather wonderful. Many of you have noticed that I’ve been absent from the airwaves over the past few months. I’ve been very ill, but for the very loveliest of reasons:  I’m pregnant.

I’m now 5 months along. Indeed it’s an incredibly wonderful surprise, something I’ve only ever dreamed of, not truly believing I would actually experience it, but always hoping. On the flip side, it’s been an incredibly rough ride. Unfortunately due to the severity and consistency of my symptoms I had to cancel my work commitments, shoots, book events, and travel which included the fabulous workshop in Canada.  Blogging, emailing, and anything of the sort, has also been out of my reach. At first I was confused, anxious, and worried but my doctor informed me there is a small percentage of women who experience intense symptoms throughout the entire pregnancy. In my life I’d never met anyone who had experienced the symptoms to this extent, so it was a shock to me. But the good news is that over the past few weeks I’ve been having some moments of reprieve from the symptoms, so lets hope those moments turn into days, and maybe even weeks.

Aside from all that, it is pure magic. I am now experiencing lots of movement, and when I rest, I rest knowing  – and feeling – there is a life growing inside me, I am mesmerized. Romain and I are both so happy, and I couldn’t be more nurtured, I feel blessed, regardless of the difficulties.

Thank you for all your lovely, caring emails and comments over the past few months, I apologise for not being able to respond to all. Although I can’t commit to much else at this stage (i.e. consistent blogging or normal work schedule), I strive for it every day. In the meantime, your continual support in my work, my books, and my photography is beyond words, I’m so looking forward to getting back into the thick of it – for now, it’s one new adventure at a time.

xx

beautiful floral sculpture by tracey deep

Since settling back in Australia – but especially over the last few days during the book launch events – the question I have been asked the most is “Why did you move back to Sydney?” Has this been on your mind too? I thought I’d answer that question here, in the (blog)house in case there are more of you wondering the same thing:

I came back to Sydney for my Mum.

I wanted to say this at the launch on Friday night at Ariel, but when I practiced saying it out loud in the days leading up to it, each time I’d choke up with tears before the answer came out, so on the night I thought it best not to.  Also, I know mum dislikes the spotlight as much as I do (can you imagine how anxious I was writing about her throughout My Heart Wanders? Thank goodness she loves it), so I thought it wiser not to shine it in her direction.

But I’ll shine it on her here now: Happy Mother’s Day Mum. It’s so nice to not be so far away.

I’m off to Brisbane today to celebrate the book’s release with many wonderful and creative Brisbane folk this Saturday, just in time for Mother’s Day. I know a number of people are bringing their mums along, and have bought copies of My Heart Wanders to give to their mums on Mother’s Day – thank you! I will try to keep you posted on my whereabouts via twitter, which has now become my mini visual diary as I post photos during my days through instagram.

Next week I’ll definitely catch you up on all the events over the past week. For now, you can see some great photos of Friday night’s Sydney launch on Jillian Leiboff’s blog (thank you Jillian!).

xx

PS yesterday I created some little foresty oases in the windows of two great bookstores in Sydney – Better Read than Dead, and Oscar & Friends in Surry Hills, I’d love it if you would swing by these bookstores to have a look, and tell your friends about them, thank you so very much.

PPS if you’ve missed out on some of the events already, there are still a few more coming up – please check the sidebar for the schedule. x

I’ve been surrounded by boxes for days, knee deep in cardboard and packing paper. I’ve begun wearing gloves while I open and unwrap each item as I’ve been getting some seriously nasty paper cuts. But still, I am inspired.

All this unwrapping and flattening boxes has given me some wonderful ideas for upcoming book launch events. Lots and lots of ideas. Also, I’m very glad that my beautiful oak table from Paris passed quarantine…

Phew!

We moved into our new home here in Sydney four days ago. We don’t have internet. We don’t have a bed. We are camping in our living room. It’s been a hectic few weeks trying to get sorted, and it will be a hectic few more weeks trying to get settled. All the while I’ve been unpacking boxes, and in one of them I found this jar of sparkles. Yes, once upon a time, I kept sparkles in a jar. Today, this jar of sparkles sits on the mantle piece, surrounded by chaos, reminding me that there is magic in the most unlikely of places.

A couple of weeks ago, Romain and I had the pleasure of having lunch at my favourite Indonesian restaurant in Amsterdam with my great uncle Roel who I had not seen in 15 years. Oom Roel lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, but he is Dutch-Indonesian, and grew up both here in Holland and Indonesia. Over our long lunch of rijs tafel – a Dutch-Indonesian speciality – he shared stories from his childhood, and told me things about my Opa that I never knew.

Oom Roel’s mother – my great grandmother  – was half Indonesian, half Scottish. She spoke many languages and she traveled the world regularly, even in her nineties. As a child I was so inspired by her, and I felt somehow deeply connected, even though I’d only met her a handful of times. During lunch, oom Roel gave me a letter that his sister-in-law had been saving for me all these years. It was a letter that I had written to my great-grandmother when I was just 8 years old. As soon as I took the letter out of the envelope I had the most vivid memories of the paper. But the content of this letter is what captured my heart the most. To my delight I discovered that even “sometimes” wishes can come true…